This will probably be a short one but you all need an update:

The past few months have been stressful and rewarding. Everyday I miss rwanda more and more. And everyday my friendships here grow stronger and stronger.
The feeling that has overwhelmed me the past thew months has been loneliness. I have kept really busy with school, one act, and college prep. But when I sat in my room all alone it would it me. A shock wave sending tremors down my hole body. It would be a friday soon and I felt like I had no one to call. I longed to spend time with people, but did not want to bother anyone. I was tired of taking the initiative, tired of building friendships, I wanted instant bliss. I idealized friday afternoons in rwanda where all my friends would gather on the hot courtyard. Decide amongst our selfs of who's house we would go to, what adventure would we take today. Would we go for a walk by the lake, spend an afternoon by the pool, have a movie marathon or bargain for hours for that one prized possession at the market. But i was not in Rwanda, I was in my room alone.
Finally the truth revealed itself to me, as if a memo from the logical not emotional part of Sophia's brain. It read,
"You are jealous and hurt. Hurt that the new friends you are making around you had a life in america before you, and will have one after you. They are settled. They have relationships, jobs, ambitions, and goals. You one the other hand are leaving. You have not built roots here, temporary tent pegs but not roots. Enough to be established but easy enough where it does not hurt you to pack up again."

I hated that my logical self was right. I was jealous. And I was letting my insecurities of a Third Culture Kid get the best of me. My Third Cultureness (lets call it) was wearing me down and isolating me.
I could here it mocking me as I sat alone in my room, "No want to hang out with you sophia, your different. They have better things to do they have their own life, leave them be. Your never gonna find the friendships here like the ones you had in rwanda."
I could feel the tears coming. Emotional Sophia was taking over. Then the Logical sophia, (who i believe had some help from God) took control sending not only memos but blaring alarms!
"You are not alone, Don't let this beat you. This feeling is a choice!"
Slowly and painfully I pulled myself, (the emotional sophia) back together. The week that has followed has proven that Logical Sophia ( who was really just God's messenger) was right!
This week I have been blessed by numerous people who have reached out to me. I have grown closer to the girls in my class in a way I thought would never happen. God is definitely working here. Just as much as he is working in Rwanda and any where else in the world. And that fact gives me comfort that everything is going to be okay.